Thought we might have a little fun with this one. So here is my David Letterman impression:
10) The Spirit moved in a mighty way and the people were energized to do God’s work during the week.
9) Something truly out of the ordinary happened during the week that required additions to the service.
8 ) No one knows who is supposed to do the next part of the service.
7) The announcements are composed as people yell corrections to the greeter who is reading the announcements. You might hear someone say, “No, that’s 5:30PM”. “No, See Deacon Larry.” “No, somebody give me a mic.”
6) All the choirs of the church and the pastor’s friend, who showed up today, have to sing a song.
4) You take up the offering 3 times. One time for tithe, one time for offering, and one time for the building fund. Or for the Theologically inclined, “Once for the Father, once for the Son, and once for the holy Spirit.”
3) You Have A 1 Hour Praise and Worship Service.
I have a problem with naming this “song service”, praise and worship. Why? Becuase it ain’t the only part of the service that is praise and worship. Reading the scripture together is praise and worship. Leaving an offering is praise and worship. Interacting with the sermon vocally and internally is praise and worship. And yes singing during this time of the service is praise and worship.
OK BACK TO THE LIST!
2) The Scripture Reader and Hymn Announcer Both Thought That they better preach the sermon they working on because the people ain’t gonna hear them preach again for 7 months. Somebody tell these folks to read the scripture, announce the hymn and sit down!
1) The worship service ain’t longer, it just started 45 minutes late.